.....still thinking, thinking, thinking.

Was thinking about the joke in the previous blog entry...what if I word it differently......
Always pads have "Have a Happy Period" written on their sticky strips. Have a happy period? Telling me to have a happy period is like blah blah blah blah blah, it ain't gonna fu#@'n happen!
Haven't thought of the blah blah part yet....but I'm working on it. But a little feedback would be nice!

Monday's give me cramps!

It is the start of a new week.....ya-freakin'-whoooo! Outside the sky is grey, rain is falling and everything seems quiet......and to complete the dullness of the day, I have cramps! Ugggg, every twenty-eight days I absolutely hate being a girl. Cramping, bloating, headaches, body aches........I think the government should rule that every twenty-eighth day, women all over the word should have a manditory, medical body massage...which of course the government should pay for. Okay, now back to reality......

Jeannie is still fighting. I have not recieved that dreadfully awaited phone call to tell me of her passing, and each time the phone rings my stomach churns just a little bit. I know it is coming....but that doesn't make it easier.

Well, today, I have made a pact with myself that I will try to do some comedy writing. I have to. I have to! I HAVE TO!! I need to get my creative juices flowing. I need to get back into the 'comedy groove'.

First though, I am going to go and take a Midol and eat three chocolate bars!

......still no rest.

Two days have passed since I wrote the last blog entry....Jeannie is still fighting. Still remaining strong. She lays in her bed, fluttering in and out of consciousness, her 50 pound skeleton motionless on the bed. She is still fighting.

Does it make me a bad person to wish she would stop, to wish she would close her eyes and rest?

It's been a long and hard fight....time to sleep....but before you go....I want to say I love you and thank you for letting me be a part of your life.

How Strong is a Woman?

My mind is whirling faster than a tornado in a trailer park. Last night I was shown how strong a woman can be. How couragious.....in two different ways, from two different women.

The fist call I recieved was from my mother...that in itself is a strange occurance. We have never been a close family, nor will we ever be, but that is something I am at peace with. The reason my mom called was to let me know that my cousin Jeannie was on her death bed, and probably wouldn't be alive to see the sunrise. Three years ago Jeannie, who is four years younger than I, was diagnosed with cancer and given six months to live. She is the mother of two young girls and the loving wife to a man she has been with for over 10 years. After recieving this news, she did not withdrawl, she did not crave pity....she fought...and she fought hard. Never once did she complain about her situation or her pain, she always wore a smile as big as her heart. The last time I saw her she was down to 86 pounds (last night as she lay in bed, her weight was recorded at 50 pounds) and even then found something positive to say "Hey Erica, look! I've finally reached my goal weight!" It is hard to look into someone's eyes and smile when you know they are dying. But Jeannie wouldn't allow a moment to pass without injecting humour into the room.

After the doctor gave her the news that she had cancer and that she only had six months to live, she made a list. A list of everything she wanted to do before leaving this earth. That made me think....what would be on my list? She is the reason I took the stand-up stage two years ago. She made me realize that life is too short for 'what-if's' and 'I should have's". She never got to see me perform...she was always to weak to be out late at the clubs. I wish she had. I honestly and truely do. I am not a great performer, I am not a natural comedy writer...but I would have like to show her what her courage had allowed me to do. All I can hope is that if she had seen me perform she would have been proud. WHEN the time comes that I am rich beyond rich because of doing comedy, I will set her girls up with some sort of college fund, do something for them....that is my promise.

Surpassing the doctors expectations gave Jeannie enough time to write letters to her children that are to be handed out to them at different stages in their lives. She also recorded videos of herself talking to them, giving them advice, and last night she was able to bring the girls to her bedside and say her final good-byes. As I type this, tears are rolling uncontrably down my face. The thought of having to say good-bye to my wee one's is unbareable. Jeannie's soul was remarkable. Her strong will helped her live two years longer, helped her face her situation head on, helped her loved one's deal with her passing. I don't care if you only attend church once a month, I don't care if you cannot recite bible verses word for word, I don't care if you worship Budda, Ala or the Good Lord Almighty....all I am asking you to do is to say a prayer for her family. Say a prayer to give them strength. Say a prayer that they will know she is always with them.

The second call I recieved last night was from my dearest friend Shelley Marshall. She is touring Cananad with Puppetry of the Penis...a comedy gig that was made for her! Last night she called to say she had recieved her very first standing ovation. 2000 people all stood up to show their appreciation for her performance. 2000 people filled the theatre and loved her. The standing ovation she recieved is well deserved. She has fought many battles, she has conquered many demons, she has struggled, worked, sweated, failed and triumphed to get to where she was last night. In an occupation that is maily dominated by men, she has risen above. In a field where the average age seems to be 25, this 43 year old woman has kicked pubesant ass. Never quitting, never waivering, her strength and confidence have made her a leader. She is not selfish in her conquest though. She is using her experiences and her knowledge of the comedy industry to help other female comics achieve success. She has taken me under her wing and helped this little country bumpkin reach the big city. I will always love her for sharing her life with me.

These two women, although their stories are completely different, show all that have had the pleasure to meet them the same thing.......strength, courage and the will to fight for what you believe you can do, are things that the rest of us have selfishly forgotten. It is easy to sit back and whine that things are not going your way...and sometimes you honestly need to do that.....but I believe everything happens for a reason....and the reason I have these two lovely souls in my life, is because they have given me strength. Strength to do better. Strength to be better.

Mother's Day is just around the corner, it is a day to show appreciation for our mothers, but EVERYDAY should be 'woman's day'. Everyday we should celebrate the achievements of the women around us. Everyday we should learn from the women who have gone before us. Everyday we should just be thankful for every day.

This PUBLIC blog isn't PRIVATE?

I write on this blog every so often, just enough to keep my mind from turning to suburban-housewife-mush, and honestly, I don't think ANYONE in this entire world actually reads it. But someone did, maybe more than one, maybe a whole village ...and I was shocked! What? Someone read my private public on-line journal!? I had to laugh at how shocked I was! Am I a goof? Oh ya, you bet! But now that I have proof that someone besides myself reads these words....now the pressure is on! From now on I will have to check my spelling, my sentence structure, my use of pronouns, verbs and adjectives. I was going to post pics that involved me, a clarinet and a can of sprayable cheese......but if I want people to keep reading, I better rethink that decision!

Time to expand....my horizons...my butt I expanded a LLLLong time ago!

Well, I wrote three minutes of new material, have performed it twice in front of a live audience and each time it was met with laughter.....EXCELLENT! Now to write more, and more, and more! It is hard to get motivated sometimes. Now that the warmer weather is here, perhaps I will take my book outside and try writing while listening to the birds, while feeling a cool breeze on my face, while swatting hornets out of my hair!
Besides wanting to write some new stand-up material, I have also been working on writing a treatment for a sitcom. I started writing the sitcome outline about two years ago, and since then it has changed, been tweeked and re-written over a million times. Right now I am working on it with a dear, dear, dearest friend of mine Shelley Marshall. She is a very charasmatic lady, stunningly gorgeous woman who is one of the funniest ladies I have ever seen perform on a comedy stage. Her and I are working on a sitcom that involves life in rural Canada....the ups, the downs, the joys, the tears, the 5.4% alcoholic beer. I think it will be hilarious by the time we are done tweeking it....who knows....we may just become the next SITCOM STARS!

It's a hard game to play.

A dear friend of mine, whom I met while performing comedy, has decided NOT to take the stage anymore. This saddens me. He is a great budding talent, with a whack load of potential...but the wonderful world of comedy can be utterly and completely soul crushing. He feels he has not been getting the laughs he used to and with each punchline that was met with silence, his spark on stage diminished a wee bit more. He is trying new material and spreading his wings...and sometimes new jokes don't go as we have it all planned out in our heads. In our minds when we are rehearsing a new joke, we hear the crowd roaring with laughter which is almost drowned out by the their thunderous applause. On stage though, reality is not always played out like we have imagined. He has done very well, his new jokes are great and I love them, but he is his own worst critic. I wish I could show him what I see when he is on stage, show him the funny man that he is, show him that audiences love him.....but how? I hope and pray he doesn't quit comedy forever. He has brought laughter into so many lives....especially mine...and I want that to continue.

...........here I go!!!!

Well, here I go! I have a gig tomorrow night and am going to OPEN with three NEW CLEAN jokes! Not sure how it will go, it's a risky chance to take, but I have to take it. I will never know if the new jokes will work unless I try them! Cross your fingers and toes, say a wee prayer, light a freakin' candle...I'm diving in head first! If the new jokes work though, they will be an excellent way to open my set.....hopefully everyone is so drunk by the time I take the stage that all I have to do is fart and they will laugh! HERE'S HOPING!

*********found these FABULOUS grey dress pants at a second hand store today....going to wear them tomorrow night with a new pink top I bought...I'm feeling pretty already!

F@#$K! Why can't I think of any jokes that aren't dirty!??!!

I have been going over and over a few jokes for an upcoming gig....jokes that are clean, jokes that are wholesome....jokes that just aren't friggin' funny! I watch the comics on tv, they have no problem coming up with tight, half hour sets that have NO dirty or questionable content in them at all. So obviously it can be done, obviously it is not an impossable task....that is unless you are me! Cock! Penis! Vagina! Slut!...those are all funny words to me! Perhaps I should see a shrink. Maybe there is something very, very wrong with me. Of course....I blame my mother!

Here I sit....broken hearted....tried to write...but only farted!

I am sitting at my computer.....trying, struggling, forcing myself to write some new jokes. It ain't happening! I wish I was witty and clever and the perfect '6 minute' set would just tumble out of my brain and onto the paper....but it doesn't, it isn't, it won't. The problem is, I am trying to write a few jokes that have nothing...I repeat NOTHING, to do with sex, penis, my weight or food. I have those subject covered. I have a set on those topics. It is now time for me to write a brand new set........all that has happened thus far is that I have pulled out considerable amounts of my hair and am now wondering what I would look like with a comb-over.
To me SEX is hilarious! Nothing is funnier than a cheesy penis joke. Nothing comes easier than making fun of the opposite sex. Nothing is more natural than laughing at my own imperfections.
Okay, okay, time to buckle down...here it goes
So a dick, a vagina and a nipple walk into a bar.........

I hate waiting!

I have been waiting for over a week for a comedian to call me back.....it is driving me crazy. At the beginning of last week we literally played phone tag. My hubby gave him my email address on Thursday and the comic said he would have his girlfriend email me so I could send him some information about two upcoming gigs. I waited four days...nothing. So I called him and left a lengthy message saying that as of yet, I have not recieved an email from him so I gave him all the info and left it on his answering machine. I also told him that I needed him to call me back ASAP because I NEEDED to know if he could perform at a comedy show next Saturday...IMPORTANT FOR HIM TO TELL ME RIGHT AWAY, don't want to leave it until the last minute and then find out I am a comedian short. Still no phone call or email. I will wait one more day and then offer the gig to someone else. I am just very disappointed that he didn't call me back, didn't email me, didn't get in touch with me through friends, family or postcard. This is very rude! Very! If you don't want the gig, just let me know and I can move on! Uggggg, patience is not my strongest virtue!