Just off the top of my head.....

I have to get the 'creative juices' flowing....life is too short to sit and complain that I am not as far in my career as I would like to be.

They say that the best way to get into the comedy writing groove is to just start writing. Writing ideas, topics, thoughts, words, lyrics, questions...anything...JUST WRITE! So that is what I am going to attempt to do, write down anything, ANYTHING, then see if perhaps those thoughts will spawn new material....


*it's not just me that loves food in my family. My daughter Cassidy has a passion for food. Her and her brother are just 12 months apart. I had him on the floor changing his diaper when she waddles up, points at his tallywhacker and says "What's that?. Wanting to teach my children the proper name for their body parts I tell her "That is your brother's penis." Her eyes get big, she looks at me, a smile comes across her face "MMMMMmmmmm, I love peanuts!" Since that day, I have her convinced she has a severe peanut allergy.

*I work at a convenience/thrift store. Am amazed at how people wait all year to get their income-tax cheque and then blow it by things like a 'farting gnome' lawn ornament and Homer Simpson underwear.

*More fat can be found on my thighs than a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

*My children all had a lisp while they were little. One day, I took my two youngest out grocery shopping...Cassidy was four and Calvin was three. They were both standing on the end of the cart as I wheeled them from isle to isle. They were bickering amongst themselves, but I had successfully tunes them out...until Cassidy yelled "MY MOM IS A WHORE!" I swear it was seniors day at Foodland, because we were surrounded by a sea of white hair. MY MOM IS A WHORE! All catatarack eyes were on me, looks of shock and horror on their wrinkled old faces. "Calvin, you know my mom is a whore, I know she is a whore, dad knows she is a whore...EVERYONE KNOWS SHE IS A WHORE!" I went over and grabbed Cassidy by the arm, bent down and whispered in her ear "Cassidy darlin', please lower your voice." "BUT MOM, HE SAYS YOU'RE NOT A WHORE BUT I KNOW YOU ARE!" By this time, I thought for sure I was going to be attacked with canes and walkers. "Cassidy honey, please tell mommy what you are talking about." "Mom, Calvin says you are a HIM, but I know you are a WHORE" CLICK! I understood what she was trying to say. YES! YES! CASSIDY (I yelled it so even the smallest of hearing aids could pick up my voice) YES! I AM A HER! NOT A HIM, BUT A HERRRRR!.
I have been asked not to come back to the store on Seniors Sundays.

..........the kids will be home shortly, so I will try and do this again tomorrow. To just write random thoughts. Who knows...maybe something funny will come out of it.